I sometimes get to frustrated with myself, and my capacity to be what God means for me to be. Then i realize that I’m trying to become someone on my own strength, and have to repent and laugh at my own stupidity. I’m coming around though, but sometimes I feel the cold, slender tendrils of jealousy wrapping their hands around my neck.

Lord, where is my vision? where is the plan? Why do I keep hitting this roadblock? When do i step into what You have for me? Lord, You called me. Why don’t I feel equipped? Why am I not being used? Why am I such a failure? Look at them over there, working and serving away. Why not me? why not now?

If I’m right, you’ve had those same questions and conversations with God. As far as I can tell, there is nothing wrong with getting those initial feelings and thoughts out in the open. God knows them anyway, so why not vocalize them to the only One who can understand where they come from? While I believe in having a support system to help us wade through our issues, I also believe in the peace of venting to God, giving voice to my anger, sadness, despair. But, I also believe in the danger of comparisons. That is where I am right now in life.

Seemingly all around me, I can see signs of progress. I can see signs of God working mightily through those who are much younger than I am, older than I am, and the same age that I am. When I allow myself to be taken in by the natural aspects of what i see, then jealousy manifests. But when I focus on the spiritual ramification, when I understand that there is much work that God is doing behind the scenes to produce such work into the open world, I am more in awe of how creative God is in His workings in our lives. As I grow older, I understand how deadly comparisons are in our lives. for years, I have compared myself to everyone in sight; trying to find ways to snatch what someone else has, so that I can see the same results in my own life. Now almost 33 years old, I can see that whoever I am, be it full measure or only partial, is only a result of what God has done through me to this point. The workings of grace and mercy in my life are such that God shows me that He has no favorites. I think that it takes us a long time to really internalize that. Sometimes we think that God shows more favor to the Pastor

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My thinking takes a turn right here.

Comparing yourself to someone else is futile. Comparing your ministry to someone else is futile. Comparing God’s work in your life versus someone else is futile. Comparing is insulting to the Holy Spirit. We see in 1 Corinthians that all gifting are given by the Spirit as He pleases. Just because you perceive someone else as being higher or deeper in God than you are, deosn’t make it true. I am learning that where God is concerned, the hierarchy is the Godhead, then us in a straight line. I would venture to say that not one of us is any more important than the other. While there are some who have made global impacts, who have started whole movements or expounded upon great dispensations of the Spirit over the years, there are even more who have propped them up by giving time, sweat, prayers, tears, etc, to ensure that the public display might be seen.

So, I guess what I’m getting at is this- you have a place. Instead of spending so much time questioning God, why not trust that where you are and what you are doing is bringing Him glory, which is all that we can ask for. When we seek to glorify God and lift Him higher, He draws all men and women unto Himself. honestly, it’s not easy to feel good in your own skin. For some it might be, but for others like me, it’s a daily, constant, gut wrenching battle. My only advice would be to strive every day to see yourself through God’s eyes.

In truth, God has you where He has you for some reason. Even if your situation is dire, you’re on the verge of giving completely up, and you could care less what anybody else thinks of you, there is a purpose in it. There is vision in it. There is ministry in it. There is gifting at work through it. There is a purpose. There is a purpose. There is a purpose. THERE IS A PURPOSE!

A purpose that is only meant for you to accomplish. Someone else might be working mightily for God in a very public way, but instead of comparing yourself to them, work with them, support them. Pray for them, because nine times out of ten, they are struggling with God’s calling on them as much as you are. The beauty of God’s Kingdom is that just they need you, you will need them. People are raised in due time to be a blessing for others whom God calls.

Stop comparing. Start living. Then you will see the results God desires.

*Disclaimer: this post is very disjointed. It is because my thoughts on this are also disjointed. as I said, I fight with myself daily on this, more than any other thing. Glory be to God that He has given me grace to blog, because I sense that there are more out there who need to feel peace about who they are in Christ, and where they are headed. So, be blessed.*

 

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